Letter #6

Hi Dad,

I'm feeling better as the day goes on.  And lots better than yesterday.  How's it going?  Like you're gonna tell me.  I can't hear you...  Well, that's obvious.  This is definitely a one-sided conversation.  Everyone is OK.  Mom is watching Blue Bloods, I'm listening to Elton John, Chris is watching South Park with the cat.  He has been letting off some stinky farts today.  He has a gas problem, in spades.  Too bad you aren't around to hear all the fart jokes.  And maybe make some yourself.  :)

I'm taking free drawing classes at drawspace.com.  I just download the PDFs and print them out and work from them.  For Beginner Line Drawing classes there are a series of cartoon and anime pictures to learn how to draw.  You're supposed to erase the guide lines and sketches.  I'm not really into erasing, but I'm following the directions.  Mom said the self-portrait I did didn't look like me, because I wasn't smiling.  Shrug.  Anyway, here's the first cartoon drawing, a koala bear:

Dad, I miss you.  Things seemed a lot more stable when you were around.  Probably an illusion, but still.  The Recession (Depression) has hit us hard here.  Not that our county is a bustling metropolis, not to mention this small town.  That's all I got to say about that for now.  I'm sure you know.

Like I said, I'm doing better.  You know I have my ups and downs.  Understatement!  You weren't around for a lot of that.  And sideways!  I've been doing really well in that department for the last 5 years or so.  Winter's hard though.  Put in a good word for me, please.

LOVE

Anne

Letter #5

Dear Dad,

I'm struggling tonight.  Can you feel it in the Force or whatever it's called?  I'm not the only one struggling.  I feel like I'm slowly drowning.  You would have a hug for me or somehow make me laugh in spite of myself.  No such luck.  You're not around.  Do you think you could have taken better care of yourself?  That's the pot calling the kettle black.  I am walking in the mornings.  I got out today before it rained.  I saw four bucks in the neighbor's yard and three does across the street.  Always so surprising!

I stayed up too late last night, so today I was really tired.  Took a nap this afternoon.  Didn't get a whole lot done today because of that. Mom cleaned my bathroom so she wouldn't have to give me $5 for typing up the church meeting notes for her.  I posted this week's poem under the Weekly Poem tab.  I don't know if it will keep the old ones like a blog roll or if just one poem will show.  I'll find out next week, won't I?

I did a little crochet today on this godawful baby blanket.  It's awful because I don't like the colors much.  Here's a photo of it from a couple weeks ago.

It's a gift, of course.  The multi yarn was a gift to me from L., Mom's friend.  It's not a whole lot bigger.  I figure I have 'til next Christmas to work on it, although I'll probably get sick of it long before then.

So, what's it like up in Heaven, or in Hell or wherever you are?  Maybe you're hanging around here being my guardian angel.  That seems likely.  How can you stand it?  I mean, are you helpless to change things here on earth?  Or do you change them all the time?  I know, uber-philosophical.  It doesn't really matter.  I guess I'll find out someday.  Or not.  Have a good night wherever you are, Daddy.

LOVE

Anne

Letter #4

Hi Dad,

It wasn't idyllic growing up at our house, just sayin.'  And you weren't always supportive of everything I did.  I know, I know.  My taste in men wasn't stellar.  That hasn't changed much.  I doubt you would approve of any of them.  They didn't or don't live up to your standards.  Or maybe none of them were good enough for me. More on this later, maybe.

I'm getting tired.  I haven't been feeling well lately, like for a week. Not sure what's going on.  When I think I got it beat, it comes right back.  Tummy troubles.  :(

I decided I'd show you what I'm up to (craft projects)  and take pics of the deer, nature, whatever.  That might cheer you up, wherever you are.  I'll also post a poem a week, in a separate post.  I'm still writing.  I'll never stop writing.

Like I already said, I decided not to give up on drawing.  Today I drew another self-portrait, much better than the last one I did.  Here it is:

I'm listening to the Beatles, "When I'm 64."  You loved the Beatles!  Maybe that's why I have them on.  I'm listening through my headphones.  Mom is watching CSI:  Las Vegas.  It looks like a sick one.  She really likes her "Murder Shows."  The show's almost over, she'll probably live.  The whole night's been blondes in distress.  They are re-runs.  I remember them (sort of) even if Mom doesn't. 

Chris is reading a book about the Bears.  He's even more obsessed with football than usual now that the Seahawks are in the Super Bowl.  I can't believe it either.  Not the obsession, that Seattle is doing so well. 

I miss you.  I guess by now that's obvious.  I don't even know why I'm writing to you.  A way of connecting, I guess.  As always, put in a good word for me, I'll need it someday.

LOVE

Anne
 

Letter #3

Dear Dad,

Hi!  What should we talk about tonight?  How about hobbies?  As I remember you didn't have too many hobbies, a few, but not many.  You liked to hunt, fish, do handloading, make wine, drink wine.  That's about it.  You were busy working.  Travel.  You liked to travel, almost as much as me.  I'm thinking of taking up drawing again.  I can't afford any drawing books until February, if I buy any even then.  I found this site with free drawing lessons, Drawspace.  OK, it's not all that inspiring, but I've got to start somewhere.  I have art supplies, might as well use them.

I showed you yesterday what I've been up to with the cross-stitch.  I'm stubborn, I'll admit that.  I'm ready to throw the kits out.  At least with this kind of pattern I can pick out the colors I want to use.  I gave up on cross-stitch last year about now.  Then I picked it up again.  There's no way I'm going to let a cross-stitch kit kick my ass around the block.  That's what it did.  All those colors that looked so much like the other colors, blues, beiges.

So there's that.  I know, you are probably bored by all this.  No, actually, you always were interested in what I got up to.  So unlike the rest of the family.  It's hard to remember having someone actually interested in what I do with my time.  Then there's sewing.  I get such a rush when I finish a sewing project.  It's like, "I made something!"  I get so excited.  On Thursday, I think I'll work on that blue tote bag for J.  She will like it for sure. 

I'm sort of in a quandary.  Should I do the writers program in April?  What do you think?  I don't like all that attention and I'm not sure what we're going to do, read our stuff, I guess.  I think they should do more with all writers not just published ones, in my humble opinion.  We'll see how it shakes out.  I read this article today on More than Money, about how this guy's life changed when he started saying Yes to stuff.  So I've been thinking about that.  At first I wasn't all that interested.  I haven't been feeling good lately, as you probably know.  Maybe I'll change my mind...

Say hi to Grandma and Grandpa and Papa and your mom for me, OK?  Here's a recent picture of Betty Boop, my cat: 

She loves catnip.


LOVE

Anne

Letter #2

Hi Dad,

I didn't forget.  In some ways, this year is worse than the others.  It's not that I miss you more.  It's just, I can't handle stress the way I used to.  I just want to hide under the covers.

Like Mom said, chocolate cookies were your favorite.  Mine too.  So in honor of both of us, guess what I made today.

This was a  Better Homes & Gardens recipe.  They turned out well. 

I bet your wondering what I'm doing, stitching a cross-stitch design for B., seeing he's my ex and all.  Making a gift for someone is a great way to work out your feelings for them.  Can you believe this is a "beginner" design.  Makes you wonder.  Takes me about an hour to do one 10 x 10 square, that's 100 stitches.  I'm not done yet.  I'm not sure of my feelings for B.  Maybe I'll know when I'm done.  What do you think?  Here's my progress:

Well, that's about it for today.  We had pizza for dinner and canned mangoes for dessert.  We all sort of got into an argument about nothing.  Nobody yelled or anything.  Just that noisy grief called "getting on with your life."

LOVE

Anne

Letter #1

01/26/2014

Dear Dad,

Hi.  Haven't heard from me for awhile, have you?  We've never communicated like this.  Sure I wrote letters from college, from London, but they were for the whole family.  This is just for you. 

You know what tomorrow is?  Yeah, the anniversary.  It looks like it will be a sunny day here, like it was then.  It was beautiful out today, not that I went outside.  No wind, no rain, just sunshine, low 50s.

I bet you'd like an update.  Sure you know the basics.  I'm sure you hang around sometimes, no matter how painful it is.  Or maybe you've left us for good.  I don't blame you, really.  That's what M. was talking about, escape.  Escape from the daily grind.  I said, how do you know that?  What if the afterlife is paying your bills, not twice a month, but every day.  It might be worse than here, not better.  She wasn't really listening, she was high, medical marijuana, I'm pretty sure.

It's just more of the same around here.  Mom is caregiving, some really ancient guy, who gives her hell.  Chris is excited about the Seahawks in the Super Bowl.  I'm listening to Spotify, a computer music thing-a-ma-jig.  And writing, writing to you.  I miss you.  I can't speak for anyone else.  It hasn't been mentioned.  I've mentioned it, to others, not family.  The "nuclear unit" is fine, I guess.  No one's yelled yet today.  That's good, isn't it?

I'll tell you more tomorrow.  You were always entertained by my crazy friends.  The cast changed.  The storyline has altered a bit too.  Put in a good word for me, OK? 

LOVE

Anne