I know I haven't written for awhile. Betty Boop isn't doing so hot. She's unsteady on her feet. Made a last-ditch effort and gave her some tapeworm meds today. I hope they help. She's lost a lot of weight. I feel she may leave us before too long. I thought I was OK with death, guess not.
I'm really really bored. A lot. I mean I've been sick with a cold so haven't felt like doing much. I look around, I've got books, movies, the new U2 CD (fantastic, btw) and I'm still bored out of my mind. I could write I guess, well, here goes nothin'. So I'm writing to you. I could do homework but I'm singularly unmotivated in that department.
You probably know what's bothering me, why I've been praying today, the unknowable, the unsolvable... You were probably right. It doesn't make it any easier. I'm in a dark place right now. It's been bad lately. I should go look for distractions, Mahjong or Video Slots or something. I'm not. I'm just going to sit with it.
I've been having these not nice Saturn transits. Kinda makes me feel like I'm closed up in a little box. Granted the box has a cushy bed and a decent sound system. That's beside the point. I looked at my shelves of books and thought: I gotta do something. I gotta shake things up. I'm dying here.
So I plan to do some fun stuff this fall. A Halloween Party, a USO style party, a Bigfoot festival. That doesn't change right here, right now. I cried for over an hour today. Why do we always try to distance ourselves from the pain? It's right here, next to my heart, a dark and hollow place.
Missing you.
All for now.
Anne
Mom and Betty on Betty's 14th birthday.
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