Letter #37

Hi Dad,


I had tea and lemon cookies, my usual fare, at the Klatch today.  Nobody came, so it was just me and J. and C.  We stayed until 3, then went our separate ways.  I came home and took a nap.  I'm supposed to send C. some happy poems.  I found 8, but that's pushing it.  I don't write happy poems.  I write sad ones or medium ones or funny ones, that's about it.

How are you doing?  Send me a sign.  We did see a little black bunny today by the side of the road.  Also, lots of deer.  How about a raccoon?  I haven't seen one for months.  If I see one I'll think of you.  If I don't see one I'll think of you anyway.  :)

Here's another neighborhood picture:

I didn't like Days 8 and 9 of "Beautiful You."  Maybe Day 10 will be more interesting.  Day 8 was all about having a jar to put quarters in whenever you think or say something bad about your looks.  Day 9 was all about writing down what you say to yourself at those moments.  Trust me, I know what kind of things I say to myself.

It's supposed to rain (a lot) tomorrow.  I only have to go out for one thing tomorrow, so maybe the rain will taper off by then.  I don't have a lot to say tonight.

You know those sad poems I write?  Some of them are my best ones.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Weekly Poem: "My Desk"

My Desk

She has a point

a very good point

Natalie Goldberg says

we have to write

where we are

even if we don’t like it much

and wish we were somewhere else

Even if we love where we are

and are as comfortable

as a mouse in a trap

neck broken

no problems

no more

Here I am at my desk

really a card table with a blue and gold

tablecloth imported directly from Sweden

covering it

I’m sitting in one of my old dining room chairs

There’s an empty water glass

style

Italian bar glass

next to my homemade planner

I’m listening to U2

Last Night On Earth

on my cheap Coby MP3 player

the kind you have to recharge

I prefer batteries like in my (probably)

rusty vibrators

I’m still almost certain that all U2 songs

are about me

a kind of reverse

megalomaniac paranoia

My desk is a mess

there’s a craft project under there

and 3 notebooks

and a tea coupon

and one for Joann’s

I probably won’t use because

I won’t be in Oly. ‘til April

It’s so hard to stay in the moment

There’s a mandala made up of thousands

of French knots

I did that

I think and feel like I’m lying

even if it’s the truth

There’s an old coffee cup with pens

one decorated with a fake poinsettia

highlighters

3 kinds of scissors

The other

a tea tin

(poetry mantra-don’t repeat yourself)

with Sharpie chisel-tip markers

and metallic pens, silver, gold and bronze

I won’t win a medal for this

A little basket with a Bonne Bell lip balm

flavor

Cotton Candy

(also the name of my sewing machine)

I name my machines

my red car

named Cherry

coincidence

(certainly)

and a stone heart

mookaite jasper

There’s a desk lamp

one fluorescent tube

missing

My heart as hard as stone

my light half-dimmed

It’s so hard to stay in the moment

3/5/14

© Anne Westlund

prompt:  My (blank)

Letter #36

Hi Dad,

I'm thinking of getting my hair cut.  I know I should let K. do it, but I don't want to wait much longer.  Maybe I'll go down to the barber's tomorrow and get 'er done.  Not like my hair is short or anything.  He just does a good job.  Cut my bangs too short the last time.  He does listen though.  I didn't specify how long they should be.  I will this time.  No higher than my eyebrows!

My neighborhood illustrated:

There's a lot going on around here.  Mom starts a new job tomorrow.  I hope it works out for her.  I made dinner tonight, roast chicken breast, green beans, cranberry sauce and stuffing.  Turned out pretty good.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 7-Name your inner critic

Her name is Elizabeth and she is a Bi***!  (this is a family blog after all)

The whole point of the exercise is to talk back to your inner critic.

Like... "Elizabeth, get off my case.  I can't be nice to everyone all the time."
She was criticizing me for allowing the barber to cut my hair and not K.  Of course, Elizabeth is an aspect of me.  I have a very healthy Inner Critic.

OK, Dad, do you think Mom is finally tired of being a mom?  That would explain a few things.  Maybe you can give me some insight into her behavior lately.  Hmmm...  Keeping mum...?

Good.  I didn't expect or want a reply.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #35

Hi Dad,

I'm having an OK day.  We had spaghetti for dinner.  It was pretty good, if a little spicy.  I'm waiting to hear back about something. We'll see if things work out.  If a certain situation works out.  Which could be pretty cool and fun!  OK, I'm being a little obtuse.

Not just that situation, but another.  I've got a crush on someone.  It's probably obvious to everyone.  Oh well.  That's life.  Even at my age I can still get a crush on a guy.  I'm not dead yet!  Despite any evidence to the contrary.  Hee hee!  You wouldn't like him.  That's reason enough. :)  I think you'd like him more than B.  Which wouldn't be hard.

I was just reading that blogs should be useful to the reader.  I can't imagine this blog being useful to anyone but me.  Hmmm.  Something to think about I guess.

Here's another picture of the local plant life:

Look's like something great is going to happen.  I might get a visit from two lovely lady friends, online friends.  Some sort of weird communication going on, but it's going!

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 6-Ditch the fat chat

"When a woman criticizes herself in front of you, don't join in.  Instead, celebrate what you love about her or tell her just how wrong she is.  When you are inclined to begin your own body-bashing, stop yourself.  We do ourselves and others a disservice when we allow these critiques to carry on."

I haven't had a chance to put this into action yet.

I'm gonna go find Mom's phone card.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #34

Hi Dad,

I made salmon patties for dinner.  I put in dill, seafood seasoning, honey mustard and some pepper for the seasoning.  They turned out good!  We had lemons, to squeeze onto the patties and fresh broccoli on the side.  I made my famous "fish goo."  Chris made a German Chocolate Cake for dessert.

I took some pictures of Betty today.  She doesn't like her picture taken.

Not a lot went on today.  I found an article on habit formation that I printed out.  I'm going to read non-fiction for half an hour every day for a month and see if the habit sticks.  I love reading non-fiction so this shouldn't be too hard.  :)

This is my illustrated blog.  Here's another bit of flora:

I watched the Oscars tonight.  My favorite band, U2, did a number at the Oscars.  Yay!  They didn't win though.  I didn't pay much attention to the dresses.  I had to explain to Chris what a peplum was.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 5-Consider your vision

"What is your vision for yourself?  How is that different from who you are or where you are today?  What do you think would make you feel more confident?"

My vision for myself is to someday have meaningful and creative work, either working for someone else or for myself as a small business owner.  My life is filled with a lot of meaningful and creative activities already.  I just don't get paid for them!  I think if I started telling people I was an Artist or Writer I would feel more confident.  If I owned the creative side of me and the spiritual too, wow.  One or the other would make me feel more confident, maybe both.

All for tonight.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #33

Hey Dad,


I've decided to not write so much about family and friends unless something major happens.  It bores me even if it doesn't bore you.  :)  That includes stuff in my life too that's just everyday crap-o-la.  Besides I'm too other-centered as it is.  I guess they can worry about their own problems, they don't need me to do that too.

Of course, that leaves me with not a lot to write about except Crafty Stuff.  You'll have to put up with me.  I'm listening to the Eurythmics on the stereo.  I didn't do much creative today although I read in a book called, "The Creativity Cure."  I decided to do Flylady again.  The loft is a disaster.

Here's a photo of mine I cropped:

There's this premise in self-help books that the reader is in trouble, needs help or is flawed in some way.  I don't buy into this premise.  Then again, I like self-help books because I'm on a self-improvement, improve my life kick.  And have been for years.  This is a vast improvement over my former self-destructive ways.

from "Beautiful You":

Day 4-Consider how body image has impacted your life

The author, Rosie Molinary, asks a bunch of questions, which I'm not gonna type out here.

My response:  My poor body image has definitely slowed me down.  On the other hand, society's response and treatment of people who are overweight has been a contributing factor to any feelings of low self-worth I might have. We don't exist in a vacuum.  If I got a negative response from a friend, family member or stranger about my weight or looks, then that's something I've internalized.  I don't think we would have body image problems if our culture wasn't so screwed up.  The personal is political.  An old slogan from the 70s.  Don't make this my problem when it's everyone's problem.  That's all I gotta say.

So, Dad, you saw me gaining all that weight on Lithium, and you didn't step in or make sure I took a different pill with less side-effects.  All I can think is that you were happy I was stable.  Let's leave it at that.

All for tonight.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne