Letter #44

Hi Dad,


The oven is broken.  The bottom element is not working.  That's all the news for today.  Hee hee!  I figure we can make dinner on top of the stove (burners still work) or in the micro.  It's a major disaster for the other 2 cooks in the house.  Fixed signs.

Here's another morning sky picture:

The sun is lighting up the clouds to the East there.

It's been sunny for a couple days but I guess it's supposed to rain all week.  I hope not.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary:

Day 11-Realize that you are not your body

"Our bodies are not who we are.  We all know what we are is a compilation of our heart, our soul and our mind.  Our bodies carry our truth around they are the lenses through which we experience the world, but they are not us.  Our true selves are rooted within our bodies."

My response:  I gotta disagree with this one.  I have to own the whole package or be owned by it.  That includes my body, my stretch marks, my soul, my heart, my scars--both physical and mental, my history, even my future.  This is a call to disassociate that I can't agree with.  We need to be more inside our bodies.  We need to listen to what they tell us and listen to our intuition and instincts.  We need to take care of our bodies, not like tending a garden, but like loving a child.  I do better when I'm grounded in my body, listening to its messages, and aware of my breathing.

What I think the author is trying to do is to get women to stop identifying with their bodies in a negative way.  I just think she's going about it in the wrong way.

C. and J. came by today.  They only stayed for a little while.  It was so nice to see them!  And C. brought me some pretty necklaces.  Mom got a few too.  Nice!

That's all for now.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #39

Hi Dad,


How are you?  Are you watching out for me?  Observing from a distance?  I don't know.  It seems more like a shop window with one of those out to lunch signs and a note, "Back soon... or never."

I'm still reading "Beautiful You."

Here's Day 10-Consider your positive memories

"What do you appreciate most about yourself?  What are you most confident about?  What is the first positive memory you have of yourself?  Was anyone there to witness that moment?  If so, who was there and how did he, she, or they react?"

What I most appreciate about myself is my willingness to experiment.  I'm most confident about my ability to learn and express new art forms.  My first positive memory about myself is when I performed in a Hawaiian dance recital at age 5 or 6.  I loved the excitement, the lights, makeup and being onstage.  I guess my parents were there. (I didn't really understand this question.)

Here's Chris and my cat:

Here she is not wanting her picture taken:

I'm meeting some writers tomorrow night.  New people!  They are writers so it's OK.  We are going to talk about the writing festival that I'm involved in.  We're having a meeting at a local watering hole, the Irish Pub.  So we'll see how that goes.

Mom is reading Elizabeth George now.  I crocheted a little on the baby blanket today.  I'm already tired of pastels.  I'll get over it.  Gotta sew up a gift for J. this weekend.  If I have the time I will.  Can't on Thursday because I'm going to an eye appt.

All for now.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne 

Letter #37

Hi Dad,


I had tea and lemon cookies, my usual fare, at the Klatch today.  Nobody came, so it was just me and J. and C.  We stayed until 3, then went our separate ways.  I came home and took a nap.  I'm supposed to send C. some happy poems.  I found 8, but that's pushing it.  I don't write happy poems.  I write sad ones or medium ones or funny ones, that's about it.

How are you doing?  Send me a sign.  We did see a little black bunny today by the side of the road.  Also, lots of deer.  How about a raccoon?  I haven't seen one for months.  If I see one I'll think of you.  If I don't see one I'll think of you anyway.  :)

Here's another neighborhood picture:

I didn't like Days 8 and 9 of "Beautiful You."  Maybe Day 10 will be more interesting.  Day 8 was all about having a jar to put quarters in whenever you think or say something bad about your looks.  Day 9 was all about writing down what you say to yourself at those moments.  Trust me, I know what kind of things I say to myself.

It's supposed to rain (a lot) tomorrow.  I only have to go out for one thing tomorrow, so maybe the rain will taper off by then.  I don't have a lot to say tonight.

You know those sad poems I write?  Some of them are my best ones.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #36

Hi Dad,

I'm thinking of getting my hair cut.  I know I should let K. do it, but I don't want to wait much longer.  Maybe I'll go down to the barber's tomorrow and get 'er done.  Not like my hair is short or anything.  He just does a good job.  Cut my bangs too short the last time.  He does listen though.  I didn't specify how long they should be.  I will this time.  No higher than my eyebrows!

My neighborhood illustrated:

There's a lot going on around here.  Mom starts a new job tomorrow.  I hope it works out for her.  I made dinner tonight, roast chicken breast, green beans, cranberry sauce and stuffing.  Turned out pretty good.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 7-Name your inner critic

Her name is Elizabeth and she is a Bi***!  (this is a family blog after all)

The whole point of the exercise is to talk back to your inner critic.

Like... "Elizabeth, get off my case.  I can't be nice to everyone all the time."
She was criticizing me for allowing the barber to cut my hair and not K.  Of course, Elizabeth is an aspect of me.  I have a very healthy Inner Critic.

OK, Dad, do you think Mom is finally tired of being a mom?  That would explain a few things.  Maybe you can give me some insight into her behavior lately.  Hmmm...  Keeping mum...?

Good.  I didn't expect or want a reply.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #35

Hi Dad,

I'm having an OK day.  We had spaghetti for dinner.  It was pretty good, if a little spicy.  I'm waiting to hear back about something. We'll see if things work out.  If a certain situation works out.  Which could be pretty cool and fun!  OK, I'm being a little obtuse.

Not just that situation, but another.  I've got a crush on someone.  It's probably obvious to everyone.  Oh well.  That's life.  Even at my age I can still get a crush on a guy.  I'm not dead yet!  Despite any evidence to the contrary.  Hee hee!  You wouldn't like him.  That's reason enough. :)  I think you'd like him more than B.  Which wouldn't be hard.

I was just reading that blogs should be useful to the reader.  I can't imagine this blog being useful to anyone but me.  Hmmm.  Something to think about I guess.

Here's another picture of the local plant life:

Look's like something great is going to happen.  I might get a visit from two lovely lady friends, online friends.  Some sort of weird communication going on, but it's going!

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 6-Ditch the fat chat

"When a woman criticizes herself in front of you, don't join in.  Instead, celebrate what you love about her or tell her just how wrong she is.  When you are inclined to begin your own body-bashing, stop yourself.  We do ourselves and others a disservice when we allow these critiques to carry on."

I haven't had a chance to put this into action yet.

I'm gonna go find Mom's phone card.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #34

Hi Dad,

I made salmon patties for dinner.  I put in dill, seafood seasoning, honey mustard and some pepper for the seasoning.  They turned out good!  We had lemons, to squeeze onto the patties and fresh broccoli on the side.  I made my famous "fish goo."  Chris made a German Chocolate Cake for dessert.

I took some pictures of Betty today.  She doesn't like her picture taken.

Not a lot went on today.  I found an article on habit formation that I printed out.  I'm going to read non-fiction for half an hour every day for a month and see if the habit sticks.  I love reading non-fiction so this shouldn't be too hard.  :)

This is my illustrated blog.  Here's another bit of flora:

I watched the Oscars tonight.  My favorite band, U2, did a number at the Oscars.  Yay!  They didn't win though.  I didn't pay much attention to the dresses.  I had to explain to Chris what a peplum was.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 5-Consider your vision

"What is your vision for yourself?  How is that different from who you are or where you are today?  What do you think would make you feel more confident?"

My vision for myself is to someday have meaningful and creative work, either working for someone else or for myself as a small business owner.  My life is filled with a lot of meaningful and creative activities already.  I just don't get paid for them!  I think if I started telling people I was an Artist or Writer I would feel more confident.  If I owned the creative side of me and the spiritual too, wow.  One or the other would make me feel more confident, maybe both.

All for tonight.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #33

Hey Dad,


I've decided to not write so much about family and friends unless something major happens.  It bores me even if it doesn't bore you.  :)  That includes stuff in my life too that's just everyday crap-o-la.  Besides I'm too other-centered as it is.  I guess they can worry about their own problems, they don't need me to do that too.

Of course, that leaves me with not a lot to write about except Crafty Stuff.  You'll have to put up with me.  I'm listening to the Eurythmics on the stereo.  I didn't do much creative today although I read in a book called, "The Creativity Cure."  I decided to do Flylady again.  The loft is a disaster.

Here's a photo of mine I cropped:

There's this premise in self-help books that the reader is in trouble, needs help or is flawed in some way.  I don't buy into this premise.  Then again, I like self-help books because I'm on a self-improvement, improve my life kick.  And have been for years.  This is a vast improvement over my former self-destructive ways.

from "Beautiful You":

Day 4-Consider how body image has impacted your life

The author, Rosie Molinary, asks a bunch of questions, which I'm not gonna type out here.

My response:  My poor body image has definitely slowed me down.  On the other hand, society's response and treatment of people who are overweight has been a contributing factor to any feelings of low self-worth I might have. We don't exist in a vacuum.  If I got a negative response from a friend, family member or stranger about my weight or looks, then that's something I've internalized.  I don't think we would have body image problems if our culture wasn't so screwed up.  The personal is political.  An old slogan from the 70s.  Don't make this my problem when it's everyone's problem.  That's all I gotta say.

So, Dad, you saw me gaining all that weight on Lithium, and you didn't step in or make sure I took a different pill with less side-effects.  All I can think is that you were happy I was stable.  Let's leave it at that.

All for tonight.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #31

Hi Dad,


I figured out why my brother is being a jerk.  He told me.  He has a good reason.  Of course, that doesn't excuse bad behavior.  Sigh.

Mom had tummy troubles today, but she seems alright now.  She's reading a David Baldacci novel and it looks like she's almost done.  She reads a lot.  She has a lead on a job.  I hope it works out for her.

We went to town today to pick up Chris' pills and go to the bread store. We also hit McDonald's on the way out.  I came home and took a long nap.  We had cornbread, corn and leftover Beans & Weenies for dinner.   It was pretty good, especially the cornbread and no one got in an argument.  Yay!

I got some quilling supplies in the mail.  I just got a couple samplers of quilling papers and a tool to curl the paper with.  I did this when I was in elementary school.  Do you remember that?  So I basically know how to do quilling.  I have some ideas too on what I could do.

Here's the second set of postcards I made.  I haven't sent these off yet, need more stamps for that.  Front and back:

I'm still adding layers of Mod-Podge to the postcards in the garage.  I want to make sure the glitter doesn't come off.

from "Beautiful You":

Day 3:  Consider How You Feel About Yourself

"How do you feel about yourself?  Why is that the case?  What will a healthy sense of self and a healthy life give you?

This is how I answered:

Some days I feel good about myself, some days not so good.  I have strong areas, like writing and creativity and not so strong areas, like work and love relationships.  I feel good that my body can do so many things.  I don't feel good about my health issues, on the whole.  Overall, my self-esteem is kind of low.  Considering the things that have happened in my life I'm doing really well.  But I could do better and feel better, I know it.

I'd say the pressures of society to conform and be just like everyone else have contributed to these feelings.  Also, my upbringing.  Mom is still not satisfied with her weight or looks.  Also, I used to devour fashion magazines from when I was 10 until my 20s.  I still look at them sometimes.  They have all those air-brushed models and articles on losing weight, etc.

I think if I had a healthy sense of self and a healthy life I would have more confidence and be able to meet life's challenges more easily.

That's about it for today.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #30

Hi Dad,


Things have been a little tense around here.  I, for one, don't want another verbal explosion like last night.  You have to understand, I'm not afraid of Chris, I just don't want to set anyone off.  I hate walking on eggshells though.  It should all blow over soon.

I've been in a pretty good mood today. I made Beans & Weenies for dinner.  I tried to make a joke, "It's not a meal, it's a lifestyle."  But that didn't go over too well.  I thought it was funny.  I have to tell you the joke I made up last week, unless I told you already, can't remember.  Here it is.  You know the book, The Purpose Driven Life?  Well, there's a new book out about SeaWorld, it's called The Porpoise Driven Life.  I crack myself up!  Which is good, because everyone is way too serious around here.

I'm listening to a mixed CD.  Iggy Pop is singing "real wild child" or whatever.

I've been doing a little reading on stencils.  I have to get repositionable spray glue to use these stencils.  I already tried one, just holding it down and using oil pastels.  Worked pretty good.  I can see with all the details and paint seepage, you'd need something to tack the stencil down.  One more thing to buy.  Sigh.  Trust me, nobody here wants to here me wax on about stenciling and how I'd like a set of Martha Stewart craft paint, because of the high ratings.  You're sort of a captive audience.  Or not here at all, which works out to being the same thing.  Amazing!

from "Beautiful You":

Day 2-Pledge Allegiance to Yourself

There's this pledge to sign and date, called The Body Warrior Pledge.  It is long and involved so I'm not going to type it here. The author asks what parts of the pledge do you have trouble with and how you are going to work on that.

Here's my response to that:

I have trouble celebrating my body, to rely on myself for my confidence and worth, standing up for myself, having a more positive inner monologue and loving my body and myself.  I now have an awareness of the areas I need to work on and am more conscious of my negative and self-deprecating thoughts and words.

Here's the first set of postcards I made last week and the backs of the postcards:

I gave a couple to Mom to send to her friends.  The rests I already sent off.  I used different fonts and printed out Post Card a bunch of times, then cut them out and glued them on the backs.  I used regular stamps because they are thicker than a standard postcard.

That's about it for today.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #29

Hi Dad,


With the rain and all, I think we are all going a little stir-crazy.  Mom was reading out of the New York Times and Chris had a cow, a major cow.  I think Mom finally got it through her thick head that nobody wants to hear her read snippets of articles, not to mention a whole article out loud.  You may have read to her and she may have read to you, but us kids hate it.  My brother is just more vocal about it.

I'm supposed to have a chat with the other poets right now, but no one is in the chat room but me.  I wonder if everyone forgot.  It's Tuesday night.  I was in the new chat rooms, everyone else was in the old chat rooms.  I found my chat!

I got a couple of books from Amazon today.  One is on stenciling.  It has neat stencils, plus project ideas and directions.  Here's a picture of that one:

The other book is a body image book with a daily reading, reflection and sometimes an activity.  This is that book:

I'm going to share my journal responses to "Beautiful You" on here, unless they're uber personal. I don't seem to have a lot to write about lately.

From "Beautiful You":

Day 1:  Begin

"What are your hopes-personally and for the world-with regard to body image and beauty perception?"

My hopes for the world is that we will all see through the lies of advertising and start to develop our own style and substance, not to mention seeing the beauty in each other and in everything , especially nature.  For myself, I hope to be able to see my own beauty, even when I don't feel beautiful or are all dolled up.

"How can you begin to live your hopes today?"

I could look in the mirror and say, "I'm beautiful just the way I am," and try to believe it.  I could take some pictures of ordinary objects like books (did that), for example.  I could question my need for approval and try to access inner approval or approval from a spiritual source.

I guess I'm doing the last.  I do feel your love and approval, Dad, even though you are long gone.  Which is more dependable than any earthly approval.

Well, here's another drawing, just for sh*** and giggles:

We are making progress in our chat.  It's always worthwhile to chat with my poetry buds.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne