Letter #46

Hi Dad,

November and April have the poem-a-day challenges.  The prompts are on the Writer's Digest site, Robert Lee Brewer's Poetic Asides blog.  I'm doing one in April so I'll post my poems here.  I seriously doubt I'll get all 30 done this month, what with all the goings on.  We'll see.  Write, type, post, write, type, post.  Rinse, repeat. 

Random picture of our garden frog:

I'm hoping the baby deers (fawns) will be out and about soon.  Their moms watch them pretty closely, but maybe I can get some good pictures.

I'm going to help out the Waves of Words peeps tomorrow.  I don't know how effective I'll be, but I'll give it a shot.  Which is all I can do... show up.

Mom is reading one of her Jan Karon books from the library.  Chris is watching Platoon again.  I had a nap.  I was so tired from staying up late last night.  Dang coffee.  Of course, making coffee at 7pm is not too smart.  Heehee. 

I colored my hair today.  It's redder now than it has been.  Yay!  Actually, it's kinda dark, but it will lighten up when I wash it on Tuesday.  I feel more like myself, if that's possible.

An old picture of the kitties:

Say Hi! to Trixie for me and pet her, please, Dad. I still miss her. 

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Sharing my poetry with OceanShoresians...

Weekly Poem: "Quenched"

Quenched

They say the glass is half empty,

but I’m slightly more than half full.

Above the water line, only air.

In the depths, clear water, you could

see through me, if you’d only take

a look.

I’m transparent.

© Anne Westlund

prompt:  persona poem

Letter #45

Hi Dad,


How's it going?  Haven't heard from you for awhile, like 14 years.  That's sarcasm, a bad habit of mine.  Other bad habits, beating myself up because I'm not perfect or even close.  I realized today that if I'm going to survive 2 parties (major social awkwardness) and a reading, I've got to slow down and stop rushing through life, worrying about the future.

I might end up going to the first party on my own, cause Mom is going to town that day.  We'll see.  I would prefer it actually, because I could leave whenever I wanted to.  I do want to check out the paintings, photos and other art there.  That takes awhile. 

All of us are not getting along well.  Me and my brother and Mom.  I try to keep the peace, but after awhile I just give up.  Some people are bound and determined to be obnoxious around here.  Not Betty Boop.  She does scratch the furniture if she doesn't get fed right away.  She does have some bad habits.

Random photo of Trixie (who must be with you):

My shoulders are hurting today.  I just washed my hair cause I'm getting a haircut tomorrow at the barber's.  Don't worry, not anything drastic like a buzz cut.  Hee hee!  Not like your "haircut" either.  :)

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #44

Hi Dad,


The oven is broken.  The bottom element is not working.  That's all the news for today.  Hee hee!  I figure we can make dinner on top of the stove (burners still work) or in the micro.  It's a major disaster for the other 2 cooks in the house.  Fixed signs.

Here's another morning sky picture:

The sun is lighting up the clouds to the East there.

It's been sunny for a couple days but I guess it's supposed to rain all week.  I hope not.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary:

Day 11-Realize that you are not your body

"Our bodies are not who we are.  We all know what we are is a compilation of our heart, our soul and our mind.  Our bodies carry our truth around they are the lenses through which we experience the world, but they are not us.  Our true selves are rooted within our bodies."

My response:  I gotta disagree with this one.  I have to own the whole package or be owned by it.  That includes my body, my stretch marks, my soul, my heart, my scars--both physical and mental, my history, even my future.  This is a call to disassociate that I can't agree with.  We need to be more inside our bodies.  We need to listen to what they tell us and listen to our intuition and instincts.  We need to take care of our bodies, not like tending a garden, but like loving a child.  I do better when I'm grounded in my body, listening to its messages, and aware of my breathing.

What I think the author is trying to do is to get women to stop identifying with their bodies in a negative way.  I just think she's going about it in the wrong way.

C. and J. came by today.  They only stayed for a little while.  It was so nice to see them!  And C. brought me some pretty necklaces.  Mom got a few too.  Nice!

That's all for now.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #43

Hi Dad,

I'm beginning to see some new possibilities for myself, ones that weren't there before.  That's good, isn't it?  It feels good.  I feel like I'm waking up.  Invest in yourself.  That's what they say at least.  Whoever "they" are.  :)

I cancelled the book.  It would have been really tight, scheduling-wise, and we could barely agree on a title.  Me and M. agreed on a title at the last minute.  Phoo!  Plus, I still have a cold.  Plus, the stress was getting too much for me.  I was really stressed.  A lot.

Here's the Irish Soda Bread I made for St.Patrick's Day.  It didn't last through the night.

Those are raisins.

So, anyway, I'm thinking of going into business for myself.  I know, crazy!  You didn't think I had it in me.  Or did you?  I could start my own publishing business and publish my own books.  Of course I'll have to learn how to format books and ebooks.  So, I'm going to get a book on that in April.  I feel like "The Little Engine That Could."  I think I can, I think I can.  Corny, yes.  I don't know what I'll do yet.  I might end up doing nothing.  You never know. 

So, basically, I'm still stressed out, just in a different way.  I wonder if Jupiter is still in my 11th House.  I think it is.  Hmmmm.  Timing is everything.  I have better timing than I used to. 

Random sky and branches pic:

I'll get through it OK.  I know it.

Wish you were here.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #42

Hi Dad,


I don't know what to do.  I guess I'll figure it out tomorrow sometime.  Hopefully, sooner rather than later.  We'll see.  I'm on the fence.  I'm usually decisive.  Must be the cold (still hanging on) and being tired.  I did take a nap this afternoon.  So that's good.  Tomorrow should be interesting. 

Here's Monday's Full Moon:

J. is going to California in April to see her family.  We will probably have NAMI training in April.  I'm reading my poetry in April!  Out loud.  In front of people. Hard to believe.  I might have to pinch myself.  :)  I'm really looking forward to the Festival.  It should be a lot of fun.  We'll see.  It's 15 days away. 

I'm easily distracted.  I admit it.  There's too much to write about and I'm not writing much at all.  Believe in me.  You always have. 

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #41

Hi Dad,


I've been pretty stressed lately.  Wednesday night I was flying on adrenaline.  Nitrous!  That's a joke.  :)  I got all my poems to M. so that's good.  I would go into what's bothering me, but you probably know what's bothering me.  I don't want to go into the gory details, feels like running over a squirrel when I think about it. Let's just say I have a lot of work to do in the next two days. 

I have a cold.  I have a runny noses, coughing, congestion, headache, that's about it.  Got it from Mom who is mostly just coughing.  Maybe she'll get some cough drops tomorrow.  I don't know what she did with the ones I gave her.  I'm upstairs coughing, Mom's downstairs coughing, it's like in stereo.

Went to a NAMI meeting tonight.  We had a speaker on PTSD.  I don't have that.  Well, possibly.  There was that car wreck where I killed my Honda.  I loved that car.  Sigh. 

Random flower photo:

My daily schedule has been thrown off course.  In a few days it should be back to normal.  I've got to get my hair cut this week or next.  Sooner is better.  I've got a lot of stuff to type up for Pillar Seidr Shamanism class.  I didn't have to do the work, but I did it anyway.  It's better for me to stay connected, spiritually-speaking. 

Put in a good word for me, please.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Weekly Poem: "Maybe"

Maybe

I may or may not

be publishing a book

(of poetry) on Createspace.

I may or may not

be reading my poems

out loud

at a festival of words

in April.

I may or may not

make a mess of it.

(I’m scheduled to)

talk for at least

a ½ an hour.

I may or may not

tank up on coffee

from McDonald’s.

Got a coupon, 2 for 1,

will drink both

on a Saturday night in April,

no Easter Bunny in sight.

I may or may not

rub shoulders with the hoi polloi

(invited to two parties)

who don’t know I had to scrounge

up the membership fee.

I may or may not

enjoy myself, art and photos

in the background, not mine,

certainly not mine.

I might have a new book

of poetry for sale in April,

then again I may not.

© Anne Westlund

prompt: write an announcement poem

Letter #40

Hi Dad,


I'm stressed out tonight.  Things might go very well, they might go badly.  Isn't that the way of it?  With a lot of help from a writing friend I'm putting together a book of my poetry.  The thing is, we don't have a lot of time.  She has a full-time job, so will probably work on it this weekend. A lot of things have been buzzing through my head.  You know how I like an empty head.  So this is not good.

I reached out and offered my help to one of the event coordinators.  Haven't heard back from her yet.  I keep emailing my writing friend, M., which is probably counterproductive.  I'm reading my poetry (in front of people) in early April.  I know, I know, a crazy thing to do.  I'll have to practice.  I know, I'll read to the cat!  I suppose if she yowls and hides under the bed, it's not a good sign.  :)

Here's an endpage I did.  I'm not doing Art Journaling anymore, but I wanted to share.

I've got last week's and this week's poem to write.  Not happening quite yet.  I don't even know what this week's prompt is.  April is National Poetry Month.  It's also the poem-a-day challenge month, the one in the spring.  I'm gonna give it a go, but I think it will be a tough month for it. 

Haven't been doing much creative-wise.  I've been working on a baby blanket every morning for a week, for 15 minutes to 1/2 an hour at a time.  It's slow going.

I'm wondering if any of these new people are going to be in my Ka-Tet.  That's the important people in your life.  The names and number of people changes every so often.  I wonder...? 

This is grounding for me, writing to you.  It's nice you are part of my orbit again or I am part of yours.  Even if it's just in cyberspace.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #39

Hi Dad,


How are you?  Are you watching out for me?  Observing from a distance?  I don't know.  It seems more like a shop window with one of those out to lunch signs and a note, "Back soon... or never."

I'm still reading "Beautiful You."

Here's Day 10-Consider your positive memories

"What do you appreciate most about yourself?  What are you most confident about?  What is the first positive memory you have of yourself?  Was anyone there to witness that moment?  If so, who was there and how did he, she, or they react?"

What I most appreciate about myself is my willingness to experiment.  I'm most confident about my ability to learn and express new art forms.  My first positive memory about myself is when I performed in a Hawaiian dance recital at age 5 or 6.  I loved the excitement, the lights, makeup and being onstage.  I guess my parents were there. (I didn't really understand this question.)

Here's Chris and my cat:

Here she is not wanting her picture taken:

I'm meeting some writers tomorrow night.  New people!  They are writers so it's OK.  We are going to talk about the writing festival that I'm involved in.  We're having a meeting at a local watering hole, the Irish Pub.  So we'll see how that goes.

Mom is reading Elizabeth George now.  I crocheted a little on the baby blanket today.  I'm already tired of pastels.  I'll get over it.  Gotta sew up a gift for J. this weekend.  If I have the time I will.  Can't on Thursday because I'm going to an eye appt.

All for now.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne 

Letter #38

Dear Dad,


I've been wrestling with myself all evening.  One side of me wants to buy some new fabric, the other side of me is saying, rather loudly, "You need the money for other things."

I wonder which side will win.  I haven't sewed for a long time.  Back in January was the last time I sewed.  I get excited for sewing projects by buying fabric, don't ya know?  You probably knew that already.  I have fabric already.  So I don't exactly need to buy fabric.

Another bit of crafty news.  I'm not going to do Art Journaling anymore.  I figure if I want to make something I'll make a stand-alone piece.  I'm thinking mixed media pieces.  That means paint, stickers, stencils, paper, etc. all in the same project.

I've been doing quilling.  Here are my first 2 projects:

I started a third project, but only have the framework up.  This took some construction!

This star is from a simple Urban Threads pattern.  I'm using black and dark grey quilling paper to do the star framework.  I'm thinking orange and purple papers to fill.  Not sure yet.  I could change my mind.

Things are going OK around here.  That job didn't work out for Mom.  He didn't have the money to pay her.  So, no dice.  Betty kitty is in Chris' room.  Not much is going on.  I've been preparing (mentally) for the poetry reading coming up in April.  I didn't feel like doing it at all, but now I'm kind of getting interested in it.  Not quite excited about it yet.  Eventually...

That's all for tonight.  Miss you!

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #37

Hi Dad,


I had tea and lemon cookies, my usual fare, at the Klatch today.  Nobody came, so it was just me and J. and C.  We stayed until 3, then went our separate ways.  I came home and took a nap.  I'm supposed to send C. some happy poems.  I found 8, but that's pushing it.  I don't write happy poems.  I write sad ones or medium ones or funny ones, that's about it.

How are you doing?  Send me a sign.  We did see a little black bunny today by the side of the road.  Also, lots of deer.  How about a raccoon?  I haven't seen one for months.  If I see one I'll think of you.  If I don't see one I'll think of you anyway.  :)

Here's another neighborhood picture:

I didn't like Days 8 and 9 of "Beautiful You."  Maybe Day 10 will be more interesting.  Day 8 was all about having a jar to put quarters in whenever you think or say something bad about your looks.  Day 9 was all about writing down what you say to yourself at those moments.  Trust me, I know what kind of things I say to myself.

It's supposed to rain (a lot) tomorrow.  I only have to go out for one thing tomorrow, so maybe the rain will taper off by then.  I don't have a lot to say tonight.

You know those sad poems I write?  Some of them are my best ones.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Weekly Poem: "My Desk"

My Desk

She has a point

a very good point

Natalie Goldberg says

we have to write

where we are

even if we don’t like it much

and wish we were somewhere else

Even if we love where we are

and are as comfortable

as a mouse in a trap

neck broken

no problems

no more

Here I am at my desk

really a card table with a blue and gold

tablecloth imported directly from Sweden

covering it

I’m sitting in one of my old dining room chairs

There’s an empty water glass

style

Italian bar glass

next to my homemade planner

I’m listening to U2

Last Night On Earth

on my cheap Coby MP3 player

the kind you have to recharge

I prefer batteries like in my (probably)

rusty vibrators

I’m still almost certain that all U2 songs

are about me

a kind of reverse

megalomaniac paranoia

My desk is a mess

there’s a craft project under there

and 3 notebooks

and a tea coupon

and one for Joann’s

I probably won’t use because

I won’t be in Oly. ‘til April

It’s so hard to stay in the moment

There’s a mandala made up of thousands

of French knots

I did that

I think and feel like I’m lying

even if it’s the truth

There’s an old coffee cup with pens

one decorated with a fake poinsettia

highlighters

3 kinds of scissors

The other

a tea tin

(poetry mantra-don’t repeat yourself)

with Sharpie chisel-tip markers

and metallic pens, silver, gold and bronze

I won’t win a medal for this

A little basket with a Bonne Bell lip balm

flavor

Cotton Candy

(also the name of my sewing machine)

I name my machines

my red car

named Cherry

coincidence

(certainly)

and a stone heart

mookaite jasper

There’s a desk lamp

one fluorescent tube

missing

My heart as hard as stone

my light half-dimmed

It’s so hard to stay in the moment

3/5/14

© Anne Westlund

prompt:  My (blank)

Letter #36

Hi Dad,

I'm thinking of getting my hair cut.  I know I should let K. do it, but I don't want to wait much longer.  Maybe I'll go down to the barber's tomorrow and get 'er done.  Not like my hair is short or anything.  He just does a good job.  Cut my bangs too short the last time.  He does listen though.  I didn't specify how long they should be.  I will this time.  No higher than my eyebrows!

My neighborhood illustrated:

There's a lot going on around here.  Mom starts a new job tomorrow.  I hope it works out for her.  I made dinner tonight, roast chicken breast, green beans, cranberry sauce and stuffing.  Turned out pretty good.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 7-Name your inner critic

Her name is Elizabeth and she is a Bi***!  (this is a family blog after all)

The whole point of the exercise is to talk back to your inner critic.

Like... "Elizabeth, get off my case.  I can't be nice to everyone all the time."
She was criticizing me for allowing the barber to cut my hair and not K.  Of course, Elizabeth is an aspect of me.  I have a very healthy Inner Critic.

OK, Dad, do you think Mom is finally tired of being a mom?  That would explain a few things.  Maybe you can give me some insight into her behavior lately.  Hmmm...  Keeping mum...?

Good.  I didn't expect or want a reply.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #35

Hi Dad,

I'm having an OK day.  We had spaghetti for dinner.  It was pretty good, if a little spicy.  I'm waiting to hear back about something. We'll see if things work out.  If a certain situation works out.  Which could be pretty cool and fun!  OK, I'm being a little obtuse.

Not just that situation, but another.  I've got a crush on someone.  It's probably obvious to everyone.  Oh well.  That's life.  Even at my age I can still get a crush on a guy.  I'm not dead yet!  Despite any evidence to the contrary.  Hee hee!  You wouldn't like him.  That's reason enough. :)  I think you'd like him more than B.  Which wouldn't be hard.

I was just reading that blogs should be useful to the reader.  I can't imagine this blog being useful to anyone but me.  Hmmm.  Something to think about I guess.

Here's another picture of the local plant life:

Look's like something great is going to happen.  I might get a visit from two lovely lady friends, online friends.  Some sort of weird communication going on, but it's going!

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 6-Ditch the fat chat

"When a woman criticizes herself in front of you, don't join in.  Instead, celebrate what you love about her or tell her just how wrong she is.  When you are inclined to begin your own body-bashing, stop yourself.  We do ourselves and others a disservice when we allow these critiques to carry on."

I haven't had a chance to put this into action yet.

I'm gonna go find Mom's phone card.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #34

Hi Dad,

I made salmon patties for dinner.  I put in dill, seafood seasoning, honey mustard and some pepper for the seasoning.  They turned out good!  We had lemons, to squeeze onto the patties and fresh broccoli on the side.  I made my famous "fish goo."  Chris made a German Chocolate Cake for dessert.

I took some pictures of Betty today.  She doesn't like her picture taken.

Not a lot went on today.  I found an article on habit formation that I printed out.  I'm going to read non-fiction for half an hour every day for a month and see if the habit sticks.  I love reading non-fiction so this shouldn't be too hard.  :)

This is my illustrated blog.  Here's another bit of flora:

I watched the Oscars tonight.  My favorite band, U2, did a number at the Oscars.  Yay!  They didn't win though.  I didn't pay much attention to the dresses.  I had to explain to Chris what a peplum was.

from "Beautiful You" by Rosie Molinary

Day 5-Consider your vision

"What is your vision for yourself?  How is that different from who you are or where you are today?  What do you think would make you feel more confident?"

My vision for myself is to someday have meaningful and creative work, either working for someone else or for myself as a small business owner.  My life is filled with a lot of meaningful and creative activities already.  I just don't get paid for them!  I think if I started telling people I was an Artist or Writer I would feel more confident.  If I owned the creative side of me and the spiritual too, wow.  One or the other would make me feel more confident, maybe both.

All for tonight.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne

Letter #33

Hey Dad,


I've decided to not write so much about family and friends unless something major happens.  It bores me even if it doesn't bore you.  :)  That includes stuff in my life too that's just everyday crap-o-la.  Besides I'm too other-centered as it is.  I guess they can worry about their own problems, they don't need me to do that too.

Of course, that leaves me with not a lot to write about except Crafty Stuff.  You'll have to put up with me.  I'm listening to the Eurythmics on the stereo.  I didn't do much creative today although I read in a book called, "The Creativity Cure."  I decided to do Flylady again.  The loft is a disaster.

Here's a photo of mine I cropped:

There's this premise in self-help books that the reader is in trouble, needs help or is flawed in some way.  I don't buy into this premise.  Then again, I like self-help books because I'm on a self-improvement, improve my life kick.  And have been for years.  This is a vast improvement over my former self-destructive ways.

from "Beautiful You":

Day 4-Consider how body image has impacted your life

The author, Rosie Molinary, asks a bunch of questions, which I'm not gonna type out here.

My response:  My poor body image has definitely slowed me down.  On the other hand, society's response and treatment of people who are overweight has been a contributing factor to any feelings of low self-worth I might have. We don't exist in a vacuum.  If I got a negative response from a friend, family member or stranger about my weight or looks, then that's something I've internalized.  I don't think we would have body image problems if our culture wasn't so screwed up.  The personal is political.  An old slogan from the 70s.  Don't make this my problem when it's everyone's problem.  That's all I gotta say.

So, Dad, you saw me gaining all that weight on Lithium, and you didn't step in or make sure I took a different pill with less side-effects.  All I can think is that you were happy I was stable.  Let's leave it at that.

All for tonight.

Sleep well...

LOVE

Anne